The amount of family
adjustment required during the year following birth is often greatly
underestimated. Motherhood may come easily to you, yet changes are
inevitable and must be accommodated. Hormonal fluctuations can
increase emotional sensitivity, but the feelings that arise are real
responses to real changes -- both physical and emotional.
Postpartum blues are
common during the three months after childbirth. Mild sadness may well
up as your body recovers from pregnancy and delivery and you adjust to
the life changes that having a baby can bring. Isolation is the main
cause of acute depression, but support groups for new parents can help
you make contacts for babysitting and answer some of your needs for
companionship. More important, a new-parents support group can banish
the misunderstanding that motherhood is instinctive. It is not.
Mothering is very much a learned experience, although much of what we
know about it is learned unconsciously, relayed to us during childhood
by those who cared for us.
The
Myth of the Mothering Instinct
If we
were held and cuddled in a loving and reassuring manner as infants, we
automatically know how to do that with our own babies. Our bodies hold
the knowledge, so we experience it as instinct. If you did not receive
confident mothering in the arms of your own mother, you may find
yourself unsure.
If this
happens, you can establish a network of other mothers from whom you
can learn now. Learning from others who offer a variety of childhood
experiences will help you understand your own needs. This is a prime
time to find a healthy balance between your needs and your baby's.
